Lessons Learned from Loving a Biker

In the 3 years that Mr. Cozy Cottage and I have been together, I have learned a lot about loving a biker. Now, men themselves are hard to handle, but bikers are truly a different breed. I mean, they’re hobbies are riding a death machine at 60mph at least, so they have a different outlook on life than most people. That perspective is one that I’ve not only come to appreciate, but adore. So this article goes out to all of you who have ended up falling in love with a biker!


Expect to find motorcycle parts in the house. Also expect to find them in your car. Really, just expect them to take over your house. I was straightening up the kitchen last week and discovered pistons on my counter. Sigh. I went grocery shopping later that week and discovered two motorcycle tanks when I went to load my bags of groceries in the truck. Sigh. I’ve gotten used to it. When we started out in our tiny house, he didn’t have a shop, so it wasn’t uncommon for parts to find themselves inside. Now, he has a 3-bay shop, and I still find parts scattered throughout the house. Just nicely mention it to him, and he will move them. Keyword there is “nicely.”


He will talk for hours on end about motorcycles. You know that super yummy glaze on donuts? That’s made up of the blank stares of women who love bikers. You can get him to talk about something else, but you have to gently guide him in that direction. Don’t expect it to last long either. You get about 15 minutes, tops, before another thought hits him and he starts talking bikes again.

You’ll learn more about engines and parts than you ever wanted to know. I grew up helping my dad work on our vehicles. I can’t tell you everything that’s wrong with a vehicle, but I know enough to get myself out of a sticky situation if my car breaks down on the side of the road. I know even less about motorcycles. Well, I did…until I met Mr. Cozy Cottage. I can now tell you how they work, what parts are what, and how the electrical systems function. One time, I even let him use my hair dryer as a tool to fix the bike. Don’t ask.

You will experience prejudice in its true form. We love antiquing, so we decided to stop at an antique store in this little podunk town on one of our rides. We were in our leathers since it was a chilly day and were just perusing the items they had for sale. The owner literally followed us around like we were going to steal something. Seriously, woman? Like, how are we going to fit a cast iron kettle on the bike?!

Arguing with TV shows, movies, and documentaries will become common place. This goes right up there with prejudice. We turned on Gangland one night and they were talking about the Hell’s Angels and Outlaws. Now, granted, they have done some things that normal people would stare at in shock, but here’s where understanding their creed comes in handy. They have their own set of laws, where they are looser on some items and stricter on others. Even as I look at it as, This is a crime, I still understand why they do what they do. As you learn more about biker culture, you will start to argue with TV shows about making bikers out to be degenerates.

Terms you used to find offensive are now a term of endearment. I’m not talking about nasty terms, like “whore”. This is more about the term “Old Lady”. This has coe up since there are quite a few newer biker women in our crew. Now, what woman in her right mind wants to be called “old”. Well, in biker culture, that is a term used for a biker’s woman, his main squeeze, his partner. It’s a term of endearment, meaning she has earned his respect, she is a badass equal to every man out there. She takes care of business, whether it’s the house, the kids, or helping him work on his bike (all of which I do, but our children are furry). You end up getting over your old feelings, when you understand their language.

Find a hobby. Bikers have a physical need to ride. It’s as important as your body needing iron, calcium, and zinc. I call it vitamin HD. While Mr. Cozy Cottage was sick, he wasn’t able to ride much. He was cranky, foggy-headed, and generally ornery. After his surgery, I couldn’t tell him that a ride might make him more uncomfortable. I just let him out to go play. He needed it. He did come home sore and stating that he had overdone it, but he said it with a smile on his face. Expect your biker to spend long hours either on the bike or working on the bike. Find a hobby to take your mind off of the hours (or days) that he will spend with his other girl.


You’ll inherit a family that is likely more loyal and closer than your actual family. I love my family. They have always been there for me, supported me in everything I did. But when I started dating Mr. Cozy Cottage, I became part of a new family of biker brothers and sisters. No matter where they are located, any time we have been through something awful, they’ve called us up to see if we needed anything. They all showed up for our wedding in various attires and vehicles. It was awesome. And it’s not uncommon for a “family reunion” to turn into a motorcycle rally. That’s why we typically have ours at an actual motorcycle rally!


They show affection in different ways. A huge step for us was Mr. Cozy Cottage putting the sissy bar back on the bike for me. I had earned it. He had previously taken it off after a breakup, swearing to never put it on again. So for the first several months of dating, I rode without one. The day he put it back on, it was a huge step in our relationship. He’s also come home with leather jackets and bought me a new helmet as a birthday present. Now, this may not seem super romantic for you, but for me it says, “I love you and I want you to be safe when we ride.”

Bikers are impulsive. When we lived in our old house with our roommate and best friend, Mr. Cozy Cottage would knock on his door with, “You ready to ride?” Now, our friend was known for loving his sleep and for taking his time getting out the door. He was usually late to everything. When it came to riding, he was dressed and ready to go inside 10 minutes. The same still holds true with me, although it takes a little longer since hair and makeup are required. I’m ready to ride at a moment’s notice, which is the reason I don’t make too many plans on his days off. Also, don’t bother asking where you’re going. It’s a senseless question because 90% of the time he doesn’t even know.

Your house will be decorated with motorcycle memorabilia. Give up having your house decorated in that French country fashion you saw in Better Homes. You may get it, but I guarantee you will end up with Harley Davidson or Indian posters, prints, and miscellaneous items dotting the landscape of your home.



Bikers are a hard group of people, but they are the most kind-hearted, loyal, and genuine people you will ever meet in your life. Once you learn about their culture and are accepted into their tribe, you will find that piece of the puzzle you have been missing. A safe place where you can be yourself, you have an army at your beckon call, a camaraderie that exists in very few places. And if you’re very, very lucky, you’ll be the one in love with a biker.




3 thoughts on “Lessons Learned from Loving a Biker

  1. I love this! It’s all true at the Barnes House, but Sean doesn’t know the first thing about fixing bikes ( thank god!) or we really would be taken over! I am now the proud owner of half a closet of Harley shirts, pants, boots, and jewelry and wear it loud and proud. It’s always amazing to see bikers peace-sign-down-ing each other when they pass (except for trikes ;P) and to be around other bikers. It’s becoming more than just a hobby for us, we want to ride more. We love to ride. We bought a trailer so we can bring the bike, the truck, and the dogs. I love it. Thanks for summing it up so well.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s